Thursday, April 12, 2007

Disguised e-mail addresses on singles site profiles

I belong to a few different Christian dating service websites. These sites typically provide both paid membership accounts and free membership services with restricted rights. For example, the free membership agreements typically do not allow their users to send e-mail addresses or other contact info. (The systems automatically block e-mail addresses in such profiles. Dishonest members are thereby forced to use creative techniques for disguising their addresses.)

I noticed that there are a great many profiles that contain these disguised e-mail addresses. This bothers me greatly; after all, Christians are supposed to exemplify honesty and integrity. If Christians choose to deliberately cheat the system, thereby avoiding the need to pay a membership fee, then what does that say about our Christian character?

Just this week, I contacted a woman who seemed like a promising prospect. She immediately wrote back and said, "I'm on an unpaid membership. You can contact me at <>."

My response? "I'm sorry, but I'm really not comfortable with using disguised contact information. I think that as Christians, we need to honor and respect the rules on these sites. I believe that is what Jesus would want us to do."

She wrote back, "I did it because of finances and the lack of great matches. Proceed as you wish." That was her explanation. There was no expression of repentance or regret -- no acknowledgement that she had attempted to cheat the system, and that this was wrong.
I said, "Believe me, I'm sympathetic to your situation. I've gone through some lean times myself. At the same time though, I'm become convinced that I need to honor these rules, as a matter of Christian testimony. I would rather seek ways to exchange contact information legitimately. For example, in this situation, I would have been happy to give you MY e-mail address instead; after all, I'm a paying member, so I have that freedom."

I don't think I'll be contacting her again. It's not simply that she chose to cheat the system, unfortunate as that may be. Rather, the bigger problem was the lack of remorse in her explanation. There was no admission that her actions were dishonest, or that there were other ways that we could have exchanged contact info. Rather, she simply emphasized that it was a financial decision on her part, as though that settled everything.

What a terrible shame.