Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Things I like

These are a few of my favorite things:

Stephen Hawking's writings, Carl Sagan's writings (except for his pontifications on religion!), some of the old Star Trek stuff, Albert Einstein, Daniella van Graas, grasp theory, C++, object orientation, UML, design patterns, computer programming, Stacey Williams, Traylor Howard, Monk and Psych, Kendra Todd's business savvy, James Herriot, Isaac Asimov, Ernest Hemingway, classical literature, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, electronics, mechanical design, physics, zoology, naturalism, Columbo, Marv Wolfman, George Perez.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Being sensitive to a gift giver

I've been telling people about a nasty incident that I had at a friend's birthday party. Here's what happened:

Just before the party, I gave her a florist-bought floral arrangement with her favorite flowers (roses, and she specified red), with carnations. I know that some people still view red roses as exclusively romantic, but she didn't seem to feel that way.

She thanked me warmly and gave me a hug. That was nice. A couple of hours later though, two dudes showed up with cheap grocery store bouquets that must have cost $4 each. She goes wild and enthuses, "Wow! That is so sweet! I love them! Thank you!"

She then cradles a bouquet in each arm, stands between the two guys and asks me to take a photo. In the meantime, I wasthinking, "Hmm. She didn't ask anyone to take a photo of her with my flowers." I felt that was a bit of a slap in the face to me.

After the party, I let her know that my feelings had been hurt. Some might disapprove, but I felt that as a friend, I had to let her know.She said, "Well, these are different people than you. Of course, I'll relate to them differently. Besides, they normally act like little boys, so I wasn't expecting to get flowers from them."

When I mentioned this on the 'net, I got a variety of responses. Some thought I was being absurd for taking offense. Others understood why this was hurtful though, as it amounts to some severely lopsided treatment. Here is a sampling of what they said:

"But, asking you to hold the camera and take a picture with the other two
unsophisticated boors and their stupid old flowers was definitely tactless,
hurtful and really kind of rude, especially if she didn't ask for a picture with
you. I'd be hurt."

"In my opinion, she should have given you the same attention for your gift as she did the other two guys. I think she's not as interested in gifts from you as she is for gifts from them. Which makes me think she's kind of a mean person (to not care about all her friend's feelings equally). But was it deliberate or was it just an oversight because of her lack of caring? My first reaction was that if she was thinking a little less about herself that night (and possibly flirting with these other two guys) then she would have shown you a bit more respect. I don't think she intentionally did it."

"It does sound to me like she didn't appreciate you. Some times you just have to let a friendship cool and not be as close to certain people as you once were."

"Yes, I would have felt slighted too........"